Growing up, Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits Volumes I and II were at the top of the list of albums I often had playing on repeat. Hearing any of the songs on this two-disc set is enough for the nostalgia to kick in and bring me right back to my powder blue middle school bedroom plastered with photos torn out of magazines and “The Far Side” comic strips.
I know, I know…everyone loves “Piano Man.” But one of my favorite songs has always been “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant.” I love the slow romantic start, the jazzy clarinet solo, the fast-paced piano section, the surprise appearance by an accordion… it has always felt like two songs in one to me. As much as I love the song, though, I always feel a little sad about the demise of Brenda and Eddie.
Brenda and Eddie were still going steady in the summer of '75
when they decided the marriage would be at the end of July
Everyone said they were crazy,
Brenda you know you're much too lazy
Eddie could never afford to live that kind of life
But there we were wavin' Brenda and Eddie goodbye
They got an apartment with deep pile carpet and a couple of paintings from Sears
A big waterbed that they bought with the bread they had saved for a couple of years
They started to fight when the money got tight and they just didn't count on the tears
They lived for a while in a very nice style but it's always the same in the end
They got a divorce as a matter of course and they parted the closest of friends
Then the king and the queen went back to the green but you can never go back there again
My young impressionable self interpreted their love story as a cautionary tale against getting married too young. But now, after spending almost 20 years working with individuals and couples to help them plan and manage their financial lives, the lyrics have taken on a different meaning.
Money is often cited as one of the leading causes of divorce. Differences in values, spending habits, lifestyle goals, and more can result in stress, disagreements, and secrets. The 2024 “Couples & Money Study,” recently published by Fidelity Investments, highlights some important findings about how couples view money and finances within their relationships. The study reported:
- More than 1 in 4 partners resent being left out of financial decisions
- More than half of couples do not agree on how much money they need to have saved in order to retire
- 1 in 3 couples do not agree on what their next big savings goal should be
- 1 in 4 couples say that money is their greatest relationship challenge
- 45% of partners say they argue about money at least occasionally
Admittedly these numbers are a bit of a downer. But the good news is that the study also suggested something that can help improve a couple's financial success and well-being... communication! Couples who reportedly communicate well about their finances were more likely to rate their household's financial health as excellent or very good and feel optimistic about having a comfortable lifestyle in retirement.
Talking about money can be uncomfortable, but with like anything in life, gets easier with some practice. Here are some tips you can use to start or improve your money conversations with your partner:
- Make it regular. Like any new habit, consistency is important so find a rhythm that works for you that you will stick with. Once a month is a good cadence, but it should be something that fits within your lifestyle so you keep it up.
- Have fun! Maybe you get matching "Money Monday" t-shirts made that you wear every time you sit down to talk finances. Open a bottle of wine, order your favorite take-out, whatever works for you... find a way to make it enjoyable.
- Embrace transparency. Don't hide anything from your partner; try to talk openly about your assets, income, debts, savings, goals, dreams, worries and challenges.
- Be curious. As your partner about their thoughts, beliefs, feelings and attitudes about money. We all have our own money stories; trying to understand where your partner is coming from can help keep the lines of dialogue open when things get challenging.
- Focus on the future. You can't change the past and take back any financial mistakes either of you have made, but you can learn from them and try to make different decisions in the future.
- Make decisions together. It's not uncommon for couples to have different goals and want different things. After all, marriage requires compromise from time to time! You may find it helpful to prioritize goals that are important to both of you first.
Brenda and Eddie spent a lot of time riding around with the car top down and the radio on which would have been the perfect opportunity for them to talk openly about their financial situation, their goals, dreams, expectations of each other and of their life ahead. If they had, maybe they would have saved themselves some tears… and their marriage.
What do you think? Were Brenda and Eddie always doomed from the start? Or could they have made it?